On two separate occasions (that I witnessed directly), she was put in a position where she had to make a tough decision. She’s had to deal with people in a way that made her vulnerable and opened her up to lots of different outcomes. In one situation, she had to share some really bad news with someone that she knows. Then she had to have a very direct and open conversation with someone else.

She approached these situations head on and dealt with them in an almost fearless way. I know she wasn’t comfortable doing what she did, but she did it anyway because she felt she had to. But she didn’t actually have to. Her life would not have stopped if she’d decided to stay within herself and not reach out to these people. However, her spirit led her to be emotionally courageous. She put on her big girl panties and stepped up to the plate.

This is a prime example of someone who chooses not to be emotionally lazy. She did the tough thing and was appreciated for it. Emotional laziness is when you are given a choice. In one instance, you can step outside of yourself and confront a tough issue head on. In another instance, you can choose to keep your thoughts and actions to yourself because you don’t want to “be the bad guy” or “cause a confrontation”. Choosing option 2 is emotionally lazy. It’s like when you exercise. Either you dive in and give it your all no matter how uncomfortable it is or you phone it in and do the bare minimum.

People who give it their all look and feel great. They experience increased fitness levels and ultimately begin to enjoy the activity. People who phone it in stay the same. They may have a slight change in fitness level but they won’t see real results. These are the people who may complain that they work out all the time but never seem to lose weight. Emotional laziness is the same. Your growth is stunted when you phone it in.

This is something that I just noticed and I want to know if it’s just me or do other people notice it too. Are there situations that you’ve noticed where someone was emotionally lazy? What was the outcome?

See, I was in New York on Sept. 11.

It was my first trip to New York (a city that I have always been intrigued by and couldn’t wait to visit) and I was there working on a concert tour. I was so excited and overwhelmed by everything already. We were staying at the Hilton in Times Square which was across from the venue that the concert was going to be at. I was up that morning getting dressed to go run some errands with the show’s stylist and I was watching Good Morning America when everything happened.

Thank goodness I had the initial presence of mind to call my mom as soon as everything happened because not long afterwards, the phones were useless. The lines were tied up on cell phones and land line phones. the only things that really worked were two way pagers. It was one of the loneliest times I’d ever experienced. I was up there with people who weren’t my family and that I hadn’t known for long. They were nice people but when there is a major crisis going on, I want to be surrounded by familiar people. I was pretty much alone with my Stephen King novel, Dreamcatcher.

Myself and some people who were also up there for the concert were able to catch a ride on a party bus that had been sent up from Atlanta with some people from New York on it. Since the planes were grounded, this was the only way we could get home.

10 years later, I still haven’t really dealt with the day and how it made me feel and how subsequent things that have happened since made me feel either. But this year, I felt like the “coverage” of Sept. 11 was bordering on inappropriate. I know it was the 10 year anniversary but it started to feel like the day was being commercialized. People seemed to think they needed to be sad to properly honor the day and everyone was scrambling to share their Sept. 11 stories.

I understand the gravity of the day and what it represents but I don’t think I will be very happy if I start seeing Sept. 11 greeting cards.

That would be too much.

However, in spite of occasional bouts of frustration, I have remained generally calm in a period where a complete freak out would be entirely understandable. I think I can give credit to a decision I made a few years ago when I was in a tough spot and I was about to spiral into a full scale freak out.

I took a deep breath and let it go.

I knew that there wasn’t a lot I could do about the situation at the time aside from what I was doing and stressing myself out was only making me uncomfortable and unable to enjoy when things were going well. So I let it go and it allowed me to breathe again. Now don’t get me wrong, my problems didn’t vanish but my stress became much more manageable because I stopped trying to control uncontrollable things.

So when I started getting sick, I had equipped myself with the emotional tool to not make things worse by adding stress to the equation. Plus, in the time that I was forced to take things easy and back off of being consumed by growing my business. I’ve had some time to really think and am in the process of making some important life decisions. I doubt I would be taking this time if I hadn’t become sick so although my becoming ill was not a desirable situation, it is creating some much needed clarity.

So really this post is just a long way of me saying that this journey to entrepreneurship and happiness can be challenging but not impossible as long as you’re able to be honest with yourself. So, when life gives you limes, don’t adopt the sour face. Make margaritas (virgin or alcoholic) or take tequila shots!

I’ve seen several Spike Lee films and I’ve seen several Tyler Perry films. I can see the merit in both and I appreciate that we have this type of diversity in mainstream black cinema (even though I do miss the Spike Lee voice since Miracle at St. Anna in 2008). However, there is still a very small number of black filmmakers contributing to mainstream cinema. Yes we have Rainforest Films (go Rattlers!), F. Gary Gray, John Singleton and The Hughes Brothers to name a few but the list could be much longer. There are a lot of black people making films but unfortunately many of those films are relegated to the art house and never have the opportunity to be exposed to a larger audience.

There are many reasons for this, but the one that I’ve heard most frequently is that “black people don’t support black films”. Well black people go see Tyler Perry films and it led to his newest film Madea’ s Big Happy Family being expected to be number one on opening weekend. Now it was edged out by the animated film, Rio but ultimately it made $25.1 million opening weekend coming in number two. I remember a time when it was a victory when a black film made the top ten its opening weekend and now we have films like Madea’s Big Happy Family and Takers (which made $20.5 million and was number one it’s opening weekend) showing that black films can bring in the audiences.

This is amazing and rather than comparing the black filmmakers that are able to have that kind of success, we should celebrate them and support other black filmmakers. What Tyler Perry does is needed. Some people need to see films where black people can be redeemed as long as they believe in God, family and themselves. There is nothing wrong with that. So what, Tyler Perry has a character that wears a dress? There are plenty of actors that have donned a dress for a film. Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie), Robin Williams (Mrs. Doubtfire), John Travolta (Mrs. Edna Turnblad) and Nathan Lane (Starina) have all dressed as women in film so what Tyler Perry is doing as Madea isn’t a big stretch.

The cool thing about having free will is that you don’t have to go see Tyler Perry’s films if you don’t want to. Personally, I prefer action films, horror movies and thrillers so I’m much more apt to see a Rainforest Films or Hughes brothers production over a Tyler Perry film. But this doesn’t mean I feel the need to compare Tyler Perry’s films to the ones produced by Rainforest or the Hughes brothers.

Black people, let’s celebrate the increase in successful black production companies in Hollywood and enjoy the diversity rather than making negative comparisons.

I also watched his “explanation” on 106 and Park a day or so later. As I watched the fallout from his latest outburst, I couldn’t help but wonder where his mother was or some type of older mentor like person. While some people may consider Chris Brown a man, he still has a lot of growing to do. Yes the thing with Rhianna happened two years (or so) ago, but it happened and it got a lot of attention at the time. It is understandable for him to still be bothered by questions about it, it is not understandable for him to get upset and throw things when he gets those questions. Personally, I think it’s time for someone close to Chris Brown to have a “come to Jesus” talk with him and truly level with him. If he wants to continue to work in the field of entertainment, he must be prepared to take full responsibility for his actions at all times; even when his actions happened years prior. It’s the nature of the beast. If you can’t deal with it, change careers.

But on the other hand, I was appalled at his lack of preparedness for the interview. I was annoyed at how he obviously became upset at the line of questioning and seemed entirely unable to handle it like a gentleman. I blame his team. His manager, publicist, agent and anyone else who works with him in an advisory capacity should be either fired or put on notice. He needs to get into an intensive media training program ASAP. During that time, he shouldn’t do any interviews until he is prepared to handle them professionally. While he’s being trained for media appearances, he also needs to be in therapy to work through what happened and what is happening in his life.

I think anyone who manages creative enterprises where there are artsy individuals who will be speaking to media should make it a point to get media training for that individual. I’ve seen it offered as a service for corporate professionals and representatives of major companies, but it isn’t often offered for creative types. I find this sad because those types tend to be thrust into the limelight in a much more intrusive fashion than corporate types and they are usually sorely unprepared. These people need media training from the start of their career. They need to have an understanding of the role of media and also of their role in addressing the media.

The media is never wrong for doing their job be it asking salacious personal questions or talking about your latest creative endeavor. It is your job as the representative of your brand to manage the message. If you cannot manage that message on your own, it is absolutely necessary that you hire a professional to ensure that it is properly managed.

This statement annoyed me for several reasons. One reason was because it represents the kind of hip hop elitism that I’ve encountered time and time again as I’ve worked in various aspects of entertainment industry. However, this annoyance was short lived because it is what it is from that perspective. Every type of music has it’s elitists who think that unless you’re a die hard fan, you couldn’t possibly get it.

Another reason that this statement annoyed me because when it was made, I never got to say why I can’t really get into Lil Wayne as a rapper. My opinion was dismissed because I am a self professed R&B chick. I grew up listening to R&B and nothing makes me feel better than a well written song with a great melody and hook sung by a fabulous voice. However, as I thought about the conversation, I realized why I don’t think that Lil Wayne is that dope of a rapper.

The huge majority of his rhymes are metaphor and I’m not impressed by it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do applaud Wayne for taking the time to get his bars up. He has definitely grown as a rapper from his early days at Cash Money until now. However, I would like for him to revisit the drawing board and step his bars up some more. He did it once and I’m confident he can do it again. Yes, using great metaphors is a wonderful way to rap and it represents a level of creativity well above those rappers who only rap about sex, drugs, money, clothes, cars, etc.

However, there are so many other literary tools a rapper can explore with his rhymes that if all you can do is one of them, I will quickly get bored with hearing you rap. Not only can a rapper use metaphor, he/she can also use similie, onomatopoeia, story telling, rhetoric, quotations and alliteration, to name a few. In my opinion, rapping only using metaphor may sound good but it’s like eating fast food. It tastes good and will quell your hunger but it’s not something you should eat all the time. You have to balance a great metaphor with things like a compelling story or some interesting alliteration.

With books like Decoded by Jay-Z being written and courses that delve into the deeper aspects of hip hop and rap music, I just ask that emcees approach the process like a writer creating a piece. Whether you write all of your raps down (or type them in your smartphone) or you go off the top of your head, be thoughtful with your words. Read some different types of books and expose yourself to different styles of written communication.

I really enjoy it when rappers like Jay-Z and Andre 3000 freestyle because you can really hear them choosing their words in their flow. It is possible for hip hop to be intelligent and thought provoking while creating wonderful imagery. There are many rappers who do it. I’d love to see more.

I wanted to take a moment and share something with you that I learned by way of the infinite wisdom of Naomi Dunford of Ittybiz. I receive her email newsletter and she occasionally sends out assignments. One of the more recent ones caused me to really think about my entrepreneurial/professional aspirations.

She told us to think of the top 5 moments in 2010 and then consider what common thread existed in them. I wrote mine down and discovered that the common thread in my top 5 moments of 2010 was this:

I was instrumental in helping to create something.

This was a major light bulb moment for me. I realized that in 2011 I needed to work to cultivate my creativity more and seek out opportunities to create or help create something. It makes me feel good and inspires me. So I charge you to do the same. Do this wonderful assignment soon. Don’t get too far into 2011 without doing it. Write it down. Naomi said we should write it by hand and post it somewhere. I’m a fan of you doing that as well. See where it takes you. It took me to a place of great clarity.

While you’re reading this post and starting to consider your top 5 moments of 2010, take a second to visit www.ittybiz.com and subscribe to Naomi’s newsletter. It’s fabulous and full of wonderful gems like the one I just shared with you. Also, if you look to the right in the toolbar, you will see a button that says Ninja SEO School. This is one of Naomi’s fabulous programs. I am an affiliate because I love her and believe in her business creations. If you need help with SEO, Naomi and her Ninjas will help you. If you think you have a good handle on SEO, no worries. Just visit her website and browse around the different products she’s created either alone or with another person who’s knowledgeable in their area of business expertise.

Sally Simmons

Author|Model|Song writer|Producer|Personal Chef

555-0989

Now, many people who are entrepreneurs are becoming aware of the importance of diversifying your assets and not focusing solely on one field. Plus, many creative entrepreneurs typically have several things they enjoy doing. That’s wonderful. However, I think it takes away from a person’s professionalism if they list multiple things on their business card. It makes them look unfocused. I’m not sure I would hire a personal chef who is also a model and producer. I would wonder how committed that person would be to preparing my meals if they’re thinking about so many things at once.

This is not to say that people shouldn’t wholeheartedly pursue all of their creative endeavors but maybe you shouldn’t laundry list them on your business card. In my opinion, it makes it look like you are hustling to make a dollar rather than building a business. I think it would look better if your business card looked like this:

Sally Simmons

Freelance Consultant

www.sallysimmons.com

555-0989

That way you can list your areas of specialty on your website and give more information about what you do in each area. Plus, it allows you to tailor your elevator pitch to the person you’re giving the card to. If I’m interested in a song writer, I won’t care that you’re a model or vice versa. A business card with multiple disciplines on it would be distracting if someone where glancing at your card quickly. I might not see that you’re a model if I take a quick glance and see personal chef first. Your card may end up discarded.

I would love to start a dialogue on this. Let me know your thoughts, whether you agree or not and why.

The decision to make this change wasn’t easy. Although I didn’t truly enjoy what I was doing and it wasn’t really advancing my career, I had been doing it since 2003 and I didn’t want all of that hard work to go to waste. However, the hard work was going to waste because I didn’t become an entrepreneur to pursue a dream that isn’t my own. I felt like I was spinning my wheels and going no where.

So even though it was painful and some of my relationships had to change, I made the switch. It hasn’t been easy. I won’t say that I made the switch and things suddenly flowed freely. That hasn’t been the case. I have to work harder but I’m happier. My career patch stretches before me in the most delightful way and I’m looking forward to taking every step. I’m still learning and growing but now I feel like my wheels are turning and I’m moving forward.

I say all of this to say, Don’t Give Up! Keep pushing forward, but don’t be afraid to change directions. Don’t be afraid to be afraid either. It’s perfectly normal. Here’s a quote that nicely sums things up.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon