Last week a friend of mine sent me this article. It’s about the nice guy eventually coming into his own. It’s called, “Dear Girls Who Are (Finally) Ready To Date Nice Guys: We Don’t Want You Anymore” by Leo Steven.
The article is written with a touch of a bitter tinge to it but as I was reading it, a lot of what Leo was saying rang true for me too. I actually wrote my friend who sent it and said, “I get it and actually I feel like this guy. I stopped chasing bad boys when I was 17 and dated the responsible athlete with a job and his own, unfancy car. I’m the nice girl that was (and sometimes still is) overlooked for the “dimes” with the short dresses and long weave. I’m always told I’m different and quirky like a cool novelty item. So I see the bitter especially from a guy’s perspective.”
The funny thing, though, is that we keep hearing stories of these nice guys getting their comeuppance and those terrible women chasing bad boys suffering as a result of it. And that’s a great story to hear. Everyone loves an underdog who ultimately wins.
But what about the other side of the coin? For every nice guy out there being overlooked in favor of the bad boy there’s a nice girl experiencing the same thing. I was that nice girl. Growing up, I was the quiet girl in a group of not so quiet friends. Although I was shy, I never had a problem making and keeping friends. I always had a friend group. But I was always the last picked when it came to dating and guys. I dressed conservatively and wasn’t as outgoing as my friends. I was the girl that boys had to get to know before they realized I was cool and someone to date. So my lead time for building romantic relationships was always long.
Now that I’m an adult, I’ve come into my own as a woman. I no longer care to fit a mold, and I do fine in the dating department. I still have some long lead times on romance, but I also get approached by guys who see me as someone they want to date. So while I get the bitterness of the nice guy, I think it’s misplaced bitterness. Holding onto the anger of rejection isn’t healthy.
I’ve actually met that “nice guy” and his bitterness makes him not so nice. I think us nice people should stick together better. if you spend so much time focusing on the fact that you “won out” over those bad girls that ignored you when you were young, you will become unappealing to the women that would be interested in dating you now. Holding onto the past is unhealthy and ultimately unattractive. Just like no man wants a bitter women, no woman wants a bitter man.
So you’ve had a successful life and become a guy that those bad girls desire. Good for you. Now go out there and find a nice girl who will appreciate you for who you are and what you bring to the table.